


Give Yourself A Try

by ohstardust



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Miscommunication, Requited Love, the dummies need to talk this out, their relationship went to shit, time to be friends again, underlying requited love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 15:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17625419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohstardust/pseuds/ohstardust
Summary: Prompt: A & B once dated, everything turned a little ugly but they go on a bonding camping trip with their friends, they get lost during sunset and talk all the shit out until they’re okay again.





	Give Yourself A Try

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve had this little prompt rattling around in my brain for the past year, originally to be written about Aneurin Barnard but then I had a tonne of Bucky feels to go with it so here you go. Also, this is my very first Marvel piece of writing, I can’t believe it, FINALLY. We all love AU’s right?

The blazing sun had begun to set over the lakeside, the air turning cooler and the humidity easing off. Burnt oranges, rose pinks, sapphire blues bleeding into the skyline, the daylight fading overhead as the group of friends drank and laughed and smiled warm smiles, beer bottles clinked and legs splashed in the lake. The last weekend of August had been their retreat, a relaxed get-together to enjoy the end of summer and to catch up with each others lives, re-tell memories and stories from their past. It had been too long since they last basked in the content comfort of their friends.

Tents littered the field surrounding the water, a cluster of coloured canvas brightened up their patch, before long a log fire would need to be lit to lead the way and that’s why Steve took the reins and sent Bucky & Y/n to fetch wood. He’d never admit to the genuine reason for sending the pair out together on this short quest, he had factually told them that everyone else was preoccupied and they were the only ones who hadn’t been dipping their toes in water for the past 3 hours, and he left it at that. It seemed like a crock of horseshit, but Bucky and she were adults and, although they hadn’t directly spoken to each other in over a year, they weren’t about to squabble with Steve over something they could _most definitely_ handle.

Peggy and Natasha’s raucous laughter could be heard in the distance as Bucky and Y/n trudged side by side in silence, the sound upturned her lips slightly and she felt such a fondness for her friends, they’re been through many tough times together but they always came out stronger because they had each other. They were there to pick each other up, dust them off and push them forward. It’s why they’d remained together over the past ten or so years.

The wide expanse of woods before them was daunting and so vast, it extended for miles and it made her fingers twitch to reach out fo Bucky’s as a source of comfort. She never had done well with anything remotely unnerving. But she wouldn’t do that, _couldn’t_ do that, it wasn’t the same anymore, _they_ weren’t the same anymore.

“Are we gonna stay silent all weekend or are we going to actually be civilised and make small talk?” She tentatively asked, her white plimsoll kicked up some soil and she buried her fists into her sweatshirt pockets.

Bucky stilled for a moment, her voice sounding so familiar yet so foreign being directed towards him, his heart clenched and he gruffly exhaled through his nose. “Silence seemed easier, I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“I did for a while, but I think I can talk to you without wanting to shake you now, so that must count for something.” Her shoulders shrugged in a feeble attempt to brush the exchange off and she tried to smile a little, make the whole thing seem like a joke. But it wasn’t a joke, what happened hurt too much to be laughed off.

“You have every right to want to scream at me or slap me. I deserve it.”

“It’s in the past, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“You were right when you left - what you said - you were right.”

“Hmm?” Many things had been said the evening she walked out of Bucky’s apartment, so much said yet not enough to understand each other and what they were thinking. Was it how she called him selfish? heartless? secretive? unfaithful? She wasn’t all too sure she wanted an answer if it was the latter.

“You _are_ worth more than how I treated you, I handled the whole thing so badly and I fucked up big time,” Bucky rubbed his palm over his face and scrapped his hair back as he sighed,” I should have talked to you instead of being so angry.”

Her tongue wet her lips and instead of breaking out in a rage like she’d anticipated all those months ago, her voice travelled out quiet and soft, “I never had an explanation, you kept me in the dark, how could I have helped you if you wouldn’t let me in?”

“You couldn’t have helped me no matter what I did, I needed to help myself. I just hadn’t thought about how it affected you, I was too caught up in my own head to see what I was doing to you.”

“What happened? i’m not saying I deserve to know, because I don’t anymore, but whatever it was affected my life too, regardless of whether I know or not.”

Bucky stopped his feet from moving and halted Y/n, he turned to face her to try and explain what he’d done wrong, why he’d ruined a once perfectly good relationship with his own head and grief and frustrations. He needed to make her see that it wasn’t her fault, and in some ways, it wasn’t entirely his too, everything had just become so blurry and mucky and devastating.

“I - I was having night terrors about the accident, all I could see was me being thrown from that damn - _fucking_ \- motorcycle in slow-motion and, no matter what I did differently, I - every time I ended up with the same injury. I didn’t understand it at first and it made me so angry and infuriated, like this damn thing isn’t already a constant reminder,” Bucky raised his prosthetic arm and dropped it back to swing beside him. “I was too scared to sleep in case I dreamt it again and then it made me cranky and miserable and I took it out on the one person that was just trying to _help_ me, the one person that loved me regardless of how fucked up I was - still am - and I regret it more than I can tell you.”

“You could have come to me, I was so confused and upset and so fucking hurt, I blamed myself for so long before I walked out of that door.”

“It was never your fault, I know I didn’t make you see otherwise, but you weren’t to blame. This was all me.”

“Buck - you went through this alone, I was right beside you the whole time, but you were still alone, and I hate that.”

“I felt so ridiculous for feeling that irked by my dreams, it was suffocating and too much but at the same time it didn’t feel enough to worry anyone. You all care so much about me and worry enough as it is, part of me didn’t want to burden you.”

“I was your partner, that’s what I was there for - to share the load and lift some of the weight - Christ, isn’t that part of a relationship?” Y/n vision blurred as she bit back a sob.

“Yes and no, I’m sorry that I hurt you but I’m not sorry for not dragging you into my head.”

“I’d have done anything to help you, to make you feel better. That’s what you do for those you love.”

“There was nothing you could have done.”

“You didn’t give me the chance, Buck.” She glanced at him and exhaled deeply then show her head and pushed on forward to collect a few scraps of wood that were sufficient enough for their fire. Her mood for a campfire and s’mores had been thoroughly extinguished and she was suddenly so tired, she just wanted to sleep the day off and start fresh tomorrow. Whether she was on speaking terms with her ex-boyfriend of not.

Bucky muttered to himself, “It was for your own good.”

The pair walked on for a few minutes, back to the tranquil silence that they’d kept half an hour ago, minds ticked like clockwork as they mulled over everything possible to say. Bucky pondered on how badly everything had fallen apart, he’d fucked up the one relationship he’d had since his accident and pushed away the first woman that hadn’t looked the other way once they noticed his artificial limb. She’d embraced it and treated him equally, he hadn’t been used to that since before - before things had gone to shit. He just couldn’t regret the fact he’d done what he thought was best for her.

“Y/n - look - I’m sorry, okay? So stupidly sorry for hurting you.”

Her jaw clenched and she willed herself to not cry in front of Bucky, she wanted to be stronger than that, she _was_ stronger than that. Instead she slowed her pace and blinked slowly, “Were you intentionally trying to brush over the fact I basically told you I loved you?”

Bucky wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry or drop to one knee and beg for her forgiveness, “I wasn’t taking it too literally.”

She met his gaze and pulled her mouth into the closest thing to a genuine smile she’d shot him in so long, “You should have.”

Her pace quickened as she noticed Steve and Peggy’s tent approaching and broke out into a jog to join her friends. With a beer in hand and marshmallows roasting over the fire Thor and Carol has started she scanned their group, the wide grins, college sweaters, Scott sassing Sam, Wanda,Bruce, Tony and Clint signing hopelessly off key the more they drank, and Loki sat off to the sit relaxed and laughing at the four of them. she could feel Bucky’s eyes with their pointed stare on her and she shot him a smile and raised her bottle in salute. He mimicked her action and took a mouthful.

Later that night, after one too many and a blissed-out warmth settled into her bones, she leant in close to him whilst their friends danced around the fire and whispered, “I miss you, okay? I’m trying to move past what happened and be your friend again, because I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr [ohstardust](https://ohstardust.tumblr.com) if you wanna chat about characters, writing or just a general chit chat.


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